Archive for the ‘Silliness’ Category

The PubCon Twitter song. Apparently, this songwriter takes requests!

Sunday, November 16th, 2008

By somewhat popular request (OK: two people), I’m capturing the Twitter song here in my songwriting blog.

I’ve been trying to do better about keeping the content of this blog related to Honey Bowtie Music, meaning Karsten’s and my writing, our pitching & publishing, and our life at our home office & studio, so I wasn’t planning on doing any kind of post PubCon follow-up here, but hey! this is relevant to songwriting. It’s some of the only writing I did while I was in Las Vegas, so it counts.

The story is: on Wednesday afternoon, I was taking a break in my hotel room, watching the #pubcon search feed in Tweetdeck burn up while everyone chatted about the “5 bloggers and a microphone” session, when I noticed that Kate Morris tweeted:

#pubcon someone needs to write a country song about losing love for twitter!

Fearing that there might not be too many other songwriters in the PubCon crowd, I felt it my duty to respond to the call.

@katemorris Just for you: “A hundred forty letters / And spaces in between / Isn’t near enough room / To say what you really mean” #pubcon

@katemorris 2nd verse: “It’s getting kind of silly / How everyone I meet / Instead of asking if I blog / Now asks me if I tweet” #pubcon

@katemorris I’ll let the rest be crowdsourced. It’s more the Nashville songwriting style to collaborate anyway. :) #pubcon

Only the rest never ended up crowdsourced, since everyone was caught up in what was going on the session. I mean, how wrong is that? Paying attention to the panelists instead of Twitter?

So if you attended PubCon and you end up here after searching for blog posts about it, here’s your chance: take a swing at writing additional verses in the comments. This is not limited to PubCon attendees either. My Nashville buddies, long-time net-friends, and songwriting colleagues are all encouraged to play along. I’ll update the post with the song’s progression, and it will be ready for performance by March in Austin.

Everyone who comments with additional verses gets songwriting credit. As we say in Nashvegas, “add a word, get a third.”

So who’s up for some cowriting?


Tuesday, November 11th, 2008


Originally uploaded by Kate O’

Even the bathroom icon people are pretty sophisticated.

I am a major pain in the neck

Saturday, July 26th, 2008

My neck and throat feel all puffy and swollen today, for some reason, even though they don’t really look any different. Still, I keep making jokes to Karsten about it, like asking while he drives if my neck is blocking his view of the road — stuff like that. He shakes his head and asks if it’s going to be another two months of neck jokes before my surgery. Magic 8 Ball says “you may rely on it.”

Kiss and make up, kiss of death, or how about just vamping for the camera.

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

You know all those articles I’ve been linking about Maghound? Well, in case it wasn’t obvious, it’s an initiative I’m keeping my eye on. Time Inc. is launching this online magazine service in late Q3, and oh by the way, Time Inc. happens to be an investor in an online magazine service called, too, so… I guess that’s a little weird, right?

Anyway, last week at this conference I was speaking at, I got chatting with Dave Ventresca, president of Maghound. We’d met once before and were having a nice enough conversation, and then… someone approached us with a camera.

Quick: what’s the best thing to do when someone wants to take what they think will be a caption-worthy photo?

Why, make it MORE caption-worthy, of course.


Your caption suggestions welcome here.

The ’stache is dead; long live the ’stache

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

From Macleans, a poem in memory of John Oates’ mustache.

My favorite stanza?

Hall was tall, he was blond
He could sing in falsetto
But John Oates’ soup strainer
Helped fill up his bed-o

“The Elton John of tigers”

Monday, January 28th, 2008

The Elton John of tigers

Originally uploaded by Kate O’

This is the handiwork of my coworker Heather, who gave my glow-in-the-dark collapsible tiger a suit made of Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kiss wrappers. I think I speak for us all when I say “awesome.”

Even Google can’t make your turkey cook faster

Thursday, November 22nd, 2007

I’m so amused by the numbers of top searches in Google today that have to do with preparing a turkey. People, if you’re just now starting to wonder about how to cook it, it’s probably a good idea just to join me and Karsten at Baja Fresh.

It’s finally soup weather

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

I know they say not to blog about what you ate for lunch, but Karsten and I just shared the soup Jon made and gave me to sample. It was great!

And I had to write about this because I want to tell you, dear reader, about the cute name Jon gave his soup.


What, me? Drunk blogging?

Sunday, September 16th, 2007

I think it’s really great how, even though Black Cherry and Barbra don’t have sex anymore, they totally aren’t awkward about it.

Musical mathematics (drive-time playlist edition)

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

No Doubt - ska + skater punk = Be Your Own Pet

Over in Germantown: No, the straight kind, what else?

Sunday, July 8th, 2007

Karsten: Oh! I guess I thought that was gay.
Neighbor-friend: Like, homosexual gay?

Random ways my brain works

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

Random ways my brain works
Random ways my brain works,
originally uploaded by Kate O’.

Every time I see this package in the break room at work, I imagine a “Coffee Singles” dating service for people who love java.

Paging Dr. Jae…

Monday, May 14th, 2007

Would you be more inclined to translate “little disaster” as “kleine Katastophe” or “Katastrophchen,” since our intent is to use it as an affectionate term (as in “Unsere kleine Katastrophe” oder “Unser Katastrophchen”)? Or is there a better translation altogether? I wouldn’t want to miss out on getting the best humor value out of it.

Attention Nashville Bloggers:

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

I think we should pitch in and get this for Brittney.

Even if you love coffee as much as I do

Saturday, April 7th, 2007

I splashed hot coffee in my eye this afternoon. I can’t recommend it as an experience.

Feline songwriting

Monday, February 6th, 2006

I was working in MasterWriter when I got up to admire a bluejay outside the window. When I came back, Barbra was sitting on my laptop keyboard, writing a song. Here’s what he wrote:

- (c) 2006 Barbra Streisand O’Neill-Soltauer, aspiring cat songwriter

I’m not sure what the melody’s supposed to be. If anyone has any idea, please let me know.

Absurdity du jour: / NaSoWriMo rationalization du jour

Friday, November 5th, 2004

(Side note: Happy birthday, and !)

Absurdity du jour:

I ninja
you ninja
how does the rest of the world ninja?

NaSoWriMo rationalization du jour:
I did finish a song last night. However, it was called “Stupid Song” and was a completely and utterly pointless exercise. BUT! I’m counting it. Because the whole point of this 30 songs in 30 days thing is to get me writing songs, and even writing “Stupid Song” is practice for the real thing. ‘Cause here’s the thing: I was totally joking when I sat down and started typing lines like “this is such a stupid song” or whatever, and I wrote a verse and chorus from start to finish, occasionally rhyming lines spontaneously. By the time I got to the end of the chorus, I thought about turning away and starting something else, since this was obviously just a joke, and then it hit me that, for my particular weakness as a songwriter, finishing “Stupid Song” would be the best kind of practice. No pressure to make it commercial, just the exercise of starting a song at the beginning and writing it through to the end. So I did. I wrote a second verse, rewrote the chorus, improving it as I rewrote it (which is one of my tried and true techniques) and, when it was done, sat back pleased with myself. It may be a “Stupid Song” but I felt very smart for letting myself finish it and include it in the total for this month.

So. That’s 2 down, 28 to go. :-)

You Are So Nashville If…

Wednesday, July 21st, 2004

[seasons got to it first, but I intended all day to post some of my favorites. :-) ]

You are so Nashville if…

You need a war to sell records. (This year’s winner!)

You intentionally drive drunk in hopes of promoting your new album.

You feel vaguely snubbed by the cicadas.

You drive to a park (Percy Warner) to walk on a street (Belle Meade Boulevard).

You blame all your failures on either Clear Channel or illegal downloading.

You survived Fan Fair — or whatever it’s called now.

You slip your demo tape into the bags of trick-or-treaters.

You haven’t been here long enough to really know what being “so Nashville” is.

John Ashcroft asks you to drape your roundabout.

You grab your guitar (with dollar signs in your eyes) and write a song after each national tragedy.

You know which kind of Girl Scout Cookie Brooks and Dunn prefer.

You’ve driven down Music Row listening to a CD full of illegally downloaded songs.

You can’t check out a library book on Fridays.

You’ve been in a traffic jam in the Baja Burrito parking lot.

Upon seeing the success of Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman,” you just know Keith Urban will follow with his own “Redneck Metrosexual.”

You’re a producer, a manager, and a publisher — and still eat Ramen noodles nightly.

Lyrics on Demand

Wednesday, July 21st, 2004

Last weekend, at a houseboat party thrown by my employment agency, I met a guy who works here in a department called “Collaborative Services” which basically means he works with servers. (Don’tcha just love corporate department naming?)

Anyway, he emailed me this morning, and I emailed him back trying to figure out who he was:

Are you the one who’s been here for three weeks?

His response:

Yes, Are you rubbing it in or searching for lyrics ?

My very silly response:

Either or.

I Live To Service Servers (The Collaborative Song)

(verse 1)
It’s been a long three weeks
Since I started at this job
And every day I’m more inclined
To run off and join the mob

(verse 2)
But somehow I stick with it
And maintain these machines
‘Cause we’re collaborative services
And we all know what that means

I live to service servers
I serve them very well
But if you’re not Amir
And you tell me what to do
Well, you can go to Hell
‘Cause I live to service servers
Yeah, that’s what I do
And you may hate the word collaborate
But then we don’t think much of you

and so on.

Email prank

Friday, July 16th, 2004

Went by my boss’s desk to ask him something and he wasn’t there, but his PC was unlocked.

So I sat down and wrote email to the only two of my colleagues who are in the office today.

Subject: You’re both fired.
Clear out your desks.

I’d hit send and would’ve been out of his office but my one colleague’s last name is common which prompted a list of possible recipients with that last name. I had to scroll like mad to find his name and then hit enter, and I was just doing that — the message went out! — when from behind me I hear “Having fun?”


New nickname for Baby Clyde

Sunday, July 11th, 2004

Several of our nicknames for Baby Clyde involve the word “potto” because his wide, round eyes and somewhat pointy nose remind us both of a potto. He also has the longest and most dense fur of all the cats, and he sheds like crazy whenever we pet him, which is many times throughout the day. So Karsten came up with a new nickname for him.


Coming out to my cat

Saturday, December 13th, 2003

I just woke up from a dream in which I was coming out to my cat, Blackberry.

Halfway through telling Blackberry I’m bi (”so that means I sleep with both men and women” — I dream of not-very-good definitions of bisexuality) he turned into my coworker who’s Indian (as in, from India).

I think this dream is trying to tell me something. I think Blackberry may be Indian, too. Or at least, he has an Indian accent. We’ve always said Blackberry has a “funny”-sounding meow. Now I feel horribly monocultural. Maybe he was just meowing with an accent.

Weird dreams.

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003

In the first one, I was just out of high school and dating this guy Todd, who was supposed to be still in high school, but who in reality was my next-door neighbor until my family moved when I was in high school, and although we did date eventually, it wasn’t until two summers after we graduated. And although he was a year behind me, in the dream he was the same age and grade as I was. Anyway, I stood there with him alone in this classroom as he installed a compact fluorescent light bulb above the teacher’s desk; it was meant to be a practical joke. When the teacher arrived, he was visibly upset, but he took the opportunity to make a learning experience out of it, and taught Todd how to install it at a better angle, or something. I don’t remember the details, but I remember being impressed.

And then in the second one, I still had this teacher theme going — in fact, it seems to have been just an extension of the first one. I was telling Michele, who was our real-life real estate agent in Portland and who incidentally is bisexual, but who in this dream apparently was a teacher, about the first dream. Can’t remember if I was aware it was a dream or not. Anyway, she proposed that she and I and her husband have sex together sometime. (Isn’t that what you do when someone tells you about a non-erotic dream of which you’re not a part?) I told her that it’s not within the agreed-upon boundaries of my relationship at present, but thanks for asking. And guess who her husband turned out to be? None other than the ubiquitous joedecker. My, but you do get around, Mr. Decker. ;-)

Paid for by hard work

Friday, November 21st, 2003

My coworker K is having major remodeling done to his house. I’m trying to pay down my debts. We’re both contractors working on a project with unrealistic deadlines, and we have been given the freedom to bill as many hours as we need to in order to “get it done.”

We’re a little punchy from being overworked, but we’re also making frequent jokes about how he should put signs up throughout his house that say things like “this high-end showerhead brought to you by the Human Resources portion of the intranet content migration.”

You are a social butterfly. :-)

Sunday, November 16th, 2003

My user name repeats that phrase three times, so it must be true.

(From here via firecat.)

K You like to try new things.
A You can be very quiet for a few seconds at a time when you have something on your mind.
T You have an attitude, a big one that you reserve for situations where you need to be assertive.
E In some ways, You are a very exciting person.

W You like your privacy just fine but prefer to be with people.
O You are very open-minded.
R You are a social butterfly.
D You have trouble trusting people if they don’t immediately seem sincere.
Y You cause a lot of trouble for people who get in your way.
G You have excellent ways of viewing people.
R You are a social butterfly.
R You are a social butterfly.
L Love is something you deeply believe in.