Archive for the ‘Bi/Sexuality’ Category

Quite possibly my favorite quote ever

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
I think porn is kind of boring, frankly–it’s like watching monkeys type. Yeah they can do it and it LOOKS real, but you know it’s all a setup.

- Kat Coble

Haven’t thought about that in a while

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Oddly enough, a Google news alert for “kate o’neill” brought me to this topic in the bisexual community over at LiveJournal. Turns out no one was talking about me — the “kate” came from “Kate Winslet” and the “o’neill” from “Chris O’Neill” — but in a way, they kind of were, in a strange coincidence.

The discussion was around the list of movies in the Bisexual category at Netflix, and whether the titles constituted a good set, or were just stereotypes. Some commenters had already made the case that they were, for the most part, a good set, which I appreciated… since I’m the one who put the list together.

I left the following comment:

I’m the person who initially put together the list of bisexual movies for Netflix. I was the content manager there in 2000-2001, and I created the Bisexual subgenre within the content database, gradually populating it over time with titles that I (as a bisexual person) recognized as pertaining in some way to bisexuality, because they either feature an openly bi character, have some fluidity of sexuality within the story, are mentioned in Wayne Bryant’s wonderful book “Bisexual Characters in Film,” or seemed relevant in some other way.

I certainly understand if they seem random; I thought it would be preferable to have a broader category than one that missed the breadth of representation of bisexuality, for better or worse.

The internet is such a small world.

Half-wrong? Mostly right? Natural or unnatural? Who cares if it’s funny!

Friday, October 12th, 2007

Over at Music City Bloggers, we’re debating choice and levels of wrongness, among other things.

Meanwhile over at the Onion, they get it half-right — well, mostly wrong, but still funny.

(That last one reminds me of a postcard I found one time that was captioned “San Francisco Parenting,” in which a parent was calling out to a child “Don’t forget to go both ways before crossing the street!”)

HT: Jon

National Coming Out Day, again

Thursday, October 11th, 2007

Is it already October 11th? Sheesh, the year flies by. Well, anyway, that means it’s time again for National Coming Out Day!

I’m pretty swamped with work projects, though, so I’m going to cop out and link back to last year’s post, with a few quoted excerpts below:

Step 1: Coming Out to Myself
I started my coming out process (and it is a process, rather than one big step — and that process continues as long as you continue to meet new people) in 1991. [...]

Step 2: Coming Out to My Parents
I came out to my parents in 1993, just before leaving the country. [...]

Step 3: Coming Out to My Sister
I came out to my sister in a letter in 1996, just after I’d moved to California. [...]

Step 4: Coming Out to My Extended Family
I came out to my extended relatives a little bit by accident, in 1998. [...]

Step 5: Not Becoming Invisible
In 1997, I met the love of my life. He happens to be male, and he happens to be straight, and initially that was hard for me. [...]

Step 6, 7, 8, …
And so it goes. Every time I meet new people, every time someone makes a gay joke, every time I hear someone ignore the possibility of bisexuality, there’s an opportunity to out myself. [...]

Happy Coming Out Day!

Over in Germantown: No, the straight kind, what else?

Sunday, July 8th, 2007

Karsten: Oh! I guess I thought that was gay.
Neighbor-friend: Like, homosexual gay?

Airport security vs. airport freshness

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007

Apparently, you can’t pack any aerosols that you don’t spray on your person, so my method lavender air freshener had to go. I gave the can to the two ticket agents, who were only too happy to take it and start spraying behind the ticket counter area. Glad to help.

OK, maybe this is a little harsh (some language not work-safe!)

Saturday, October 14th, 2006

I opened my MySpace messages this morning to find another charming missive:

youre beautiful.. we should get to know each other.. how is myspace treating you?

The picture on the profile is of, admittedly, a stunningly beautiful male. But I clicked through to read his profile, and here’s what it says:

(more…)

Oh, I almost forgot!

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

According to the HRC, the theme of this year’s coming out day is “Talk About It.” They’ve got a “Sorry Everybody“-style collection of pictures of people posing with signs that say “Talk About It.”

I’m bisexual. But I’m also too lazy to print out a sign, take a picture of myself, and upload it, so I’ll just talk about it here instead, shall I?

Step 1: Coming Out to Myself
I started my coming out process (and it is a process, rather than one big step — and that process continues as long as you continue to meet new people) in 1991. That was the year I started college. I knew before that, in a way, that I was attracted to both men and women. What I couldn’t tell was whether those attractions made me completely normal or psychopathically deranged. Because while I had plenty of exposure to gay and lesbian people (well, plenty of exposure to gay males — it was rare that I encountered a lesbian), I had never heard of anyone who was attracted to both men and women… but I had never heard that it wasn’t possible, either, or even normal. Still, I kept it under my hat, hoping someday it would all make sense to me.

And one fine day, in August 1991, it did. I was walking around with my new roommate, Andrea, and all across campus there were informational tables set up for student groups. And that was when I first saw the word: Bisexual. It was on the banner for Pride, the GLBT student group. I could parse it right away: bi meaning two, and sexual… well, let’s just say I definitely knew what that meant. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the word. I even said it out loud. I can’t remember if Andrea looked at me funny right then, because I was too caught up in my own world. And then we moved on, and I didn’t say anything else about it for the rest of the day.

But the next day, after musing on it all night, I said to Andrea, “You know, I think I’m bisexual.” And she said, “Yeah, I know. It was obvious when you saw the Pride sign yesterday.”

Step 2: Coming Out to My Parents
I came out to my parents in 1993, just before leaving the country. At the time that felt like really smart timing, but in retrospect it gave us too much time apart with them unable to ask questions or have follow-up conversations, and in years to follow, they did their best to pretend I’d never said it. Even when I would deliberately make references to this “ex-girlfriend” or that “girl I was dating,” it was just dropped as quickly as possible.

Step 3: Coming Out to My Sister
I came out to my sister in a letter in 1996, just after I’d moved to California. She’d told me before I left that she was a good pen pal, and since we’d never been close, she indicated an interest in getting to know each better through writing letters. I included the fact that I was bi in the first letter I sent her, and I never got a response. For years, I thought this was her rejection of my queerness. It wasn’t until last year, as she and I were both giving care to our dying father, that I broached the subject. And it turned out she had never received the letter. She knew about my being bi before that point anyway, as my parents had told her, and she says she would’ve reassured me that it wouldn’t change anything. Instead, the letter that got lost in the mail was one of the causes of a 9-year rift between us.

Step 4: Coming Out to My Extended Family
I came out to my extended relatives a little bit by accident, in 1998. I’d volunteered to help coordinate a family web site, and in the process included a link to my personal web site. At the time, I was running a large, high-profile bisexual resources web site, and it was prominently linked from my home page. I didn’t worry about this, because I was under the impression that at some point, my parents had divulged this bit of information to the rest of the family, and that no one would be finding out this way. This was not the case. I received a scathing email from my uncle, who called me immature and selfish, and told me I was hurting my parents.

On the bright side of that hurtful incident, my dad came to my defense, writing a letter back to his younger brother and telling him that his response has been “extreme and totally unenlightened as well as un-christianlike” and adding that his “unfair and unkind judgment” of me was “totally unacceptable.” If my dad hadn’t already been my hero, he would have been immediately promoted based solely on that one letter.

Step 5: Not Becoming Invisible
In 1997, I met the love of my life. He happens to be male, and he happens to be straight, and initially that was hard for me. I didn’t want to limit my identity to just the “heterosexual side” (I don’t actually conceive of my sexuality as having sides, which is why I use the quotes, but it’s simplest to explain it that way). I feared that if we were monogamous, I would be defined as straight, and that felt deeply wrong. But being involved with other people has never worked out well for us, and we’ve been mostly monogamous for a large portion of the nine years we’ve been together. I’m still bisexual, I still find women attractive (just as I still find men attractive — occasionally!), and I still have major misgivings about being thought to be straight. But I have no regrets about being with Karsten, and our love is broad enough and complex enough that it makes sexual orientation a moot issue.

Step 6, 7, 8, …
And so it goes. Every time I meet new people, every time someone makes a gay joke, every time I hear someone ignore the possibility of bisexuality, there’s an opportunity to out myself. I’m less forward about it in some ways now than I used to be, partly because I live in a more culturally conservative area than I ever have before, partly because I find myself questioning how relevant it is to anyone but me, and partly because it’s just there in the background, not bothering me, not needing to be announced, not needing to be talked about.

Except for today. Today I’m talking about it. I hope it helps someone understand themselves or someone else just a little bit better.

Happy Coming Out Day, everyone.

Why my dad is so great, #1,983,284,393

Wednesday, October 20th, 2004

Ever since my dad started pressuring me to go to this past weekend’s family wedding in Baltimore — and the pressure started back in August — I’ve been meaning to dig out my saved copy of this email exchange and post it for you all to read and for me to re-read. Because it’s one of the things that makes me realize how much I’m going to miss my dad. I’ll post more about the wedding itself later.

Back in October 1998, I found a web site called Familypoint.com that was supposed to be a virtual meeting place for extended families. I set up a site for my family and mentioned it to my parents just before they attended a family wedding in Baltimore so they could spread the word about it to everyone. One of my cousins who is roughly my age found my personal web site through a series of links from the Familypoint.com site and was apparently shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that I’m bi and poly.

Her father, my uncle, promptly sent me a nasty email about it. (more…)

biallmeans.org updates

Friday, July 30th, 2004

At long last, I’ve started on an update and redesign for biallmeans.org. I’m not done or anything (not by far!), but I thought I’d give you all a sneak peek.

If anyone wants to suggest any links to add while I’m updating, feel free.

Updated much later to add: I eventually did let that domain lapse. I just didn’t have feel like I had the time it would have taken to make it the resource it could be, so I’d rather let someone else have the domain.

Protected: Follow-up on yesterday’s personal attack

Friday, December 19th, 2003

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Protected: E&C violation?

Thursday, December 18th, 2003

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Coming out to my cat

Saturday, December 13th, 2003

I just woke up from a dream in which I was coming out to my cat, Blackberry.

Halfway through telling Blackberry I’m bi (”so that means I sleep with both men and women” — I dream of not-very-good definitions of bisexuality) he turned into my coworker who’s Indian (as in, from India).

I think this dream is trying to tell me something. I think Blackberry may be Indian, too. Or at least, he has an Indian accent. We’ve always said Blackberry has a “funny”-sounding meow. Now I feel horribly monocultural. Maybe he was just meowing with an accent.

I’m being censored. It’s really weird.

Thursday, November 27th, 2003

I’m posting from my boss’ boss’ house, where I’m housesitting and dogsitting, and she obviously has a “net nanny”-type filter set up on this computer. I’ve never used a computer that had that running before, at least not to my knowledge, but I know this one does because I can’t get to any of the links in the -related feeds. When I try to access biallmeans.org the word % - - - - - - - ” is invisible (had to put the hyphens in there so it doesn’t remove the word from my posting) as if it doesn’t even appear on the page. I tried to access - - - - -d-a-y.com and it redirected me to the National Wildlife Organization or whatever. (Interestingly, the filter leaves the word % ” but doesn’t like % - - - - “)

I’m so weirded out by this. I know it’s common, but I’ve never personally experienced it before.

Weird dreams.

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003

In the first one, I was just out of high school and dating this guy Todd, who was supposed to be still in high school, but who in reality was my next-door neighbor until my family moved when I was in high school, and although we did date eventually, it wasn’t until two summers after we graduated. And although he was a year behind me, in the dream he was the same age and grade as I was. Anyway, I stood there with him alone in this classroom as he installed a compact fluorescent light bulb above the teacher’s desk; it was meant to be a practical joke. When the teacher arrived, he was visibly upset, but he took the opportunity to make a learning experience out of it, and taught Todd how to install it at a better angle, or something. I don’t remember the details, but I remember being impressed.

And then in the second one, I still had this teacher theme going — in fact, it seems to have been just an extension of the first one. I was telling Michele, who was our real-life real estate agent in Portland and who incidentally is bisexual, but who in this dream apparently was a teacher, about the first dream. Can’t remember if I was aware it was a dream or not. Anyway, she proposed that she and I and her husband have sex together sometime. (Isn’t that what you do when someone tells you about a non-erotic dream of which you’re not a part?) I told her that it’s not within the agreed-upon boundaries of my relationship at present, but thanks for asking. And guess who her husband turned out to be? None other than the ubiquitous joedecker. My, but you do get around, Mr. Decker. ;-)