That whole anonymous posting thing
I agree with
I know there are folks who really like me, but I also know there are folks, both real friends and casual acquaintances, who have real problems with aspects of me. Where it’s necessary, I’d hope those folks would let me know so we could work it out to some degree. Where it’s not necessary, I’m fine with letting it lie.
Exactly.
What’s more, I try to be very generous with positive reinforcement and very sparing with negative reinforcement. I also try to do this face-to-face, when possible, or the closest equivalent to that method available. Everyone doesn’t have to treat me the same way, but I already know that there are people who love me, people who like me, and people who dislike me (and maybe even people who hate me, although I hope not). I know that some people approve of some of my actions and some people disapprove of some of them.
Part of why I don’t see the value in this is that if someone has something to tell me, be it praise or criticism, I like to know context. I can handle being told someone thinks I’m wrong, but I like to know why and what their perspective is so that I can decide how much weight to give the feedback.
Let’s say I’ve baked a chocolate cake, and
Or if he loves it, does that really mean it’s good, or is he just a chocolate slut and maybe doesn’t have very discerning taste where chocolate cake is concerned?
And why am I typing in my LJ and not baking a chocolate cake?
9 Responses to “That whole anonymous posting thing”
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 12:22 am
But most of the stuff posted in my anonomous thread wasn’t about me, it was more a stage for people to say anything. Given that I usually don’t allow anonmous commenting, I found it intriguing.
*shrug* I wasn’t expecting to get any real insight into what others thought of me, to be honest. I pretty much know what my close friends think of me, and I don’t worry what others think. If someone had posted a real problem, and expected me to do something about it, I would have wanted to know who and why.
And if you make some chocolate cake, will you share??
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 2:00 am
A few folks have mentioned to me that they didn’t interpret it to mean “tell me something about me,” and neither did I, but that’s how I’ve seen it used enough of the time to squick me.
So far I’ve seen 4 or 5 people who posted the question hoping to get people to reveal neat little private stories, and who got some of those, but also either catty sniping commentary against themselves, “constructive” criticism, or long-held hurts revealed.
That was enough for me to start thinking, “If you have something to tell me, do it to my face, and I’ll analyze what I see as the merits of your opinion.” That sounds sort of bad, like I’m staying, “You know what you can do with your opinion,” but that’s not how I mean it. I’ve known enough people who almost can’t help but rant, and if someone’s telling me something negative, personally, I’d like to know if the person saying it is someone whose opinion I value, or someone who seems to rant about almost everything.
Beyond that, so much of that sort of thing isn’t about a generality, but about a relationship between two specific people. How can I do anything about it if I only know anonymously?
I don’t mind the occasional anonymous comment, though. Someone recently responded to a post I made because it touched something very personal and serious, for him/her, and s/he needed to respond anonymously because at the time, s/he wasn’t even able to address it in a way that would allow attaching a name to it. I got the sense that the anonymous comment was a good first step. It would be great if the meme were used like that most or all of the time.
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 3:38 am
And why am I typing in my LJ and not baking a chocolate cake?
I was starting to wonder that myself! (But then again, I expect I’d adore your chocolate cake.)
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 3:42 am
But most of the stuff posted in my anonomous thread wasn’t about me, it was more a stage for people to say anything. Given that I usually don’t allow anonmous commenting, I found it intriguing.
That sounds a lot more interesting.
I’m reminded of the anonymous on-line confessionals, sites like this one can have moments of amusement or even enlightenment. (There was a better one I’ve seen, but I’ve lost track of it and failed to Google it back into my awareness.)
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 3:47 am
I don’t get the appeal, either. As you say, people feel about me the way they feel about me. A few people who are very close to me have criticism privileges, but, quite honestly, I don’t expect many more people beyond them even think of me very often, and whether they like me, hate me or are indifferent, if they have something to say to me and it’s that important that they say it, they can say it with their own voice under their own name.
In this iteration of the meme I’ve seen very little in the way of True Confession and a lot in the way of anonymous fawning or carping - or, and don’t I hate this weaselly little phrase, “constructive criticism”.
Most of the anonymous posting memes have squicked me, and I haven’t participated in any of them, either as a recipient of anonymous posts or as a sender of anonymous posts.
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 7:27 am
That was enough for me to start thinking, “If you have something to tell me, do it to my face, and I’ll analyze what I see as the merits of your opinion.” That sounds sort of bad, like I’m staying, “You know what you can do with your opinion,” but that’s not how I mean it. I’ve known enough people who almost can’t help but rant, and if someone’s telling me something negative, personally, I’d like to know if the person saying it is someone whose opinion I value, or someone who seems to rant about almost everything.
Once again, you’ve nailed it. That’s what I was heading toward, but failed to say.
Beyond that, so much of that sort of thing isn’t about a generality, but about a relationship between two specific people. How can I do anything about it if I only know anonymously?
Right again. I have long held that we all behave differently with different people because of the combinations of our personality traits. Having someone anonymously tell me I’m pigheaded would be of little value because I’m -not- pigheaded with everyone, and I would want to know who it is that perceives my behavior toward him or her as pigheaded.
Oink.
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 7:29 am
Well, I ended up not baking a chocolate cake, but instead cooking up three different kinds of soup. You’d be sure to like at least one of them.
Posted: Nov 16th, 2003 at 11:19 am
Mmmm, soup.
Posted: Nov 17th, 2003 at 2:26 am
Don’t know the meme but I do know that I did the IP recording after to many posts saying that I was a fat cow and other non-productive annonymous comnments